With the news of ‘bad boy’ Jesse James’ infidelity, I couldn’t help but compare Jesse James and Sandra Bullock’s story to that of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren’s. Elin would probably have great advice for Sandra. In the letter below, I tried to imagine what Elin would say to Sandra if she decided to write her a letter.
When I heard the rumors about your husband’s affairs, it brought back memories. As the details of your private lives became public in this very sordid tale, I immediately felt a connection to you which compelled me to write this letter.
I know what you are going through right now. It must be very difficult. Although my husband, Tiger, is more renowned than your husband, I know what being the subject of a feeding frenzy feels like. I want you to know that I totally empathize with you, and I hope you don’t think it presumptuous, but I’d like to offer these words of advice.
First of all, congratulations on winning the Oscar for your role in “The Blind Side.” You are a really good actress. The fact that you work and have a lucrative career is good. You won’t have to waste time haggling for a good settlement if you divorce. I spent a lot of time negotiating with Tiger to make sure that my kids and I would be able to continue living the type of lives we grew accustomed to. That compromised my bargaining power and dignity. You are fortunate that you have your own career and make your own money. You’re in the driver’s seat and you’re calling the shots. Jesse has to play by your rules, not his.
Why did you move out of the marital home? You should have shown him the door instead. You did nothing wrong. I know you probably just wanted to be somewhere quiet and private, but leaving your home puts you in a really vulnerable position. I know you probably don’t care much about that right now, but if someone had to be inconvenienced and denied all the pleasures of “home” it should have been Jesse, not you.
Also, you are lucky that you and Jesse don’t have children. There will be no child custody or child support issues. If you had children together, you’d be tied to him for life – always needing his consent or approval – the intrusions, the visits, the court hearings, etc. etc. You don’t have to worry about that. If you decide to end the relationship, it will be truly over. Not like me, because of my children, Tiger will always be a part of my life, my plans and my relationships whether I stay with him or not.
Make sure your finances are in order. Women will be coming out of the woodwork making claims about having relationships with Jesse. Some will be truthful, others won’t. But they will all have their sights on the same thing – a big payday. I heard one of them hired “if you want me to shut-up, then pay-up” attorney, Gloria Allred. But Tiger’s situation is different from Jesse’s. Tiger paid millions to women to buy their silence because he had so much riding on his wholesome image. Jessie is different. I really don’t think Jesse gives a damn about a wholesome reputation. He certainly doesn’t have to worry about sponsors dropping him because of his indiscretions. But, just to be on the safe side, do all that you can to keep your money separate from Jesse’s so that if he decides to pay for silence, the money will come from his earnings, not yours.
Have you thought about a divorce? Don’t rush into anything. Take your time. But, because you live in California which is a community property state, unless you have a prenuptial agreement, Jesse can get half of all you earned during the marriage. But, I heard somewhere that you and Jesse signed a prenup. I hope this is true. If you did, that was very smart. It will save you a lot of money, time and grief. I hope the agreement states that what you earned will remain yours. He doesn’t deserve half of what you’ve worked so hard for. He wasn’t anything much before you married him, just an overgrown kid playing with toys. You’ll see, without you, he will go back to being what he was before – not much.
You know, I just never got what you saw in him, but they say opposites attract. I heard you say in an interview that your expectations are very low. You need to look deep inside your heart to find out what attracted you to this man who is obviously not your equal because he doesn’t share your values and your commitment to marriage.
You should go back to your home. Ask Jesse to leave while you decide what to do. Continue to work and make all your scheduled appearances. You know what they say, a life well lived is the best revenge. BTW, do you own any golf clubs? They may come in handy – just in case he refuses to leave.
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